PORTFOLIO

“For a long time, I was unhappy, and I wondered all the time what could be wrong. You don't think about your sex, you're just born like that, and at first, you think, that's the way it is.” Renè Hauschke is 16 years old, came out as transgendered around 10 months ago. He was born in the body of a girl, but he felt like a boy, and wants to live as one. In Germany, there are an estimated 175,000 transgendered people who feel much like Renè. For many, the path toward coming out is a long and difficult one. Too powerful are the feelings of shame, too strong the fear of rejection, too demoralizing the sense of uncertainty about what to expect once the truth has been revealed.

“Although I never expected anything like this, it was an enormous relief for me when everything came out, finally the child had a name,” recalls Renès Mutter Birgid Schaub. His difficulties had been conspicuous for some time, he didn't like to go to school, and at some point, his disinclination developed into genuine panic attacks and finally into an absolute refusal to attend at all. A few weeks ago, the long-sought hormone therapy began, and the first indications of physical change have become evident: his voice is starting to break, his facial features are becoming more pronounced. Michael Hauschke, Renès father, is also supportive. “It's not easy seeing your own child feeling so desperate, so sad. It really hurts. Now, I can see how happy he is with the changes his body is experiencing. I want him to be able to live the way he wants to, and no matter how things look, we'll be standing at his side.”

“I'm in the wrong body” accompanies Renè and his family for a period of one and a half to two years on his journey toward a new self. What kind of physical changes will the hormone therapy trigger, and what impact will they have on him? The film documents his process of self-discovery, focusing attention on the highs and lows of his decision, for himself and for his family. When Renè comes of age, will he take the last step and undergo surgery?